• I recall from our appearance at a national final: Judge A - "nice baritone",
  Judge B - "back luck baritone".
• We got told once at a contest that our bass drum "sounded like a wardrobe door". Our poor bass drum has never lived it down since.
• "This score says is my road map - it says garage and you are giving me filling station"
• "Percussion messy and inaccurate" - the band had no percussion.
• "2nd trombone - if you are going to cue the baritone parts put your hand over the f......g bell."
• "Perfect intonation" - 8th out of 10 - Brighton 1991 I think
• "We knew we had a winner after the first 30 bars" - 17minute testpiece at British Open.
• "Bass drum sounds like a dead cow" - allegedly appeared at the L&SC Regionals one year.
• "If I adjudicated the same contest tomorrow the results might be completely different" - lots of contests - I translate as "I don't really know what I'm supposed to be listening for..."
• "Well gentlemen I don't know this piece at all but I will no doubt get a feel for it as the day goes on." - said while in the draw addressing the band representatives on what he was looking for at the contest.
• "....bass drum sounds like a dead cow" allegedly appeared at the L&SC Regionals one year.
• "The interpretation of this own-choice-piece is surely not in the sense of the composer" - (The band was conducted by the composer).
• A few years ago some comments published in The Bandsman included "Horns, Rotweiler" Is this good or bad ?
• In an entertainment contest Band X was about to play the Theme from "Star Wars" and the compere preceded this by saying :- "John Williams has written many of Hollywood's great film themes over the last few years, notable Superman one, Superman eleven and Superman one hundred and eleven......"
• The funniest remark I have ever heard of from an adjudicator was to award the top trombone player from a certain band a soloist prize. This was incredible as the player in question was so drunk he never even got off the coach, let alone made it to the stage.
• I once played under a conductor who once interpreted "smorzando" as meaning "schmaltzy" and had us all playing with exaggerated vibrato!!
• One of the 'most feared' adjudicators years ago was judging a lower grade band playing Brass Band Boogie and somewhere in the middle section the solo cornet player leaps into an ad lib solo to be greeted by the comment (on tape) from old fearful - "Well! I have no idea what you are doing cornet, but you are not playing what's written. Perhaps you should have had a look at this solo before attempting it."
• "So nearly a prize winning performance" - awarded 17th out of 22.
• "If this piece of music was a Sunday dinner, your performance is like a big mac and fries." - Spoken at the British Open a couple of years ago.
• I think the daftest thing said about our band was in the Area contest a couple of years ago, when the sop (me), had a low-ish solo. The adjudicator pulled me up because I sounded too much like a cornet!! What, was I supposed to play it on, the clarinet or something??
• What about the compere, who is a radio presenter in the Yorkshire area, who announced that "John Davis is going to conduct the massed bands in the Light Cavalry Overture by Von 'Supp' "

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